I'm quitting writing.
I just got home from my middle grade critique group, where I told my two excellent, also unpublished authors: "I need to take a break." They nodded their heads, telling me to come back anytime. I took a deep breath and walked away as they started to plan their next meeting.
Some backstory: Five years ago, I decided I wanted to write children's books. Our three kids were very young, and I was surrounded by piles of books of all sizes and fonts and types. I started writing my own stories, playing around with voice and plot and syntax. At the same time, I tried to learn as much as I can about writing children's books, mostly books, blogposts, and my newly formed critique group. After three years of picture books and dozens of rejections, I had a go at a longer format. I wrote an early middle grade chapter book, about 22,000 words, and for the last two years I've edited and revised it.
I still had those three children. I still am surrounded by piles and piles of books. But they did what children do--they grew up some in the last five years. Their baby phases ended and school began. Practices and playdates replaced the long afternoon walks to the mailbox. My husband still works long ten to twelve hour days, so all of the household management and parenting falls to me.
A few months ago, I sent my long, polished manuscript to a few agents. I really thought I was going to get a YES from one. I did not.
Her rejection was the straw that broke the camel's back. (Now that I'm not writing I can use such cliches.) I'm now reconsidering everything, as setbacks usually make a person do. After weeks of soul-searching and wondering and really thinking about it, I've decided to quit writing children's books.
At least I think so. At least for a while. The thing is, this quitting doesn't have to last forever. If I miss it, if I feel empty without sitting down at my computer and typing out a new story, if I want to be involved in the children's literature community as a writer and not just a blogger and aficionado, then I'll pick it back up. This quitting is almost a test, a litmus test to see how passionate I am about writing stories.
But slicing? Essays? I can't imagine not writing those. In fact, the first thing I did after breaking up with my critique group was to sit down, open my laptop, and edit this before clicking "publish." So...see you next Tuesday.
6 comments:
I know this feeling - my post today is about am I a writer. Funny how we both are thinking about the role of writing in our lives. See you next Tuesday!
It sounds like you're taking a step back and reassessing, not necessarily quitting. I'm impressed by all that you've done over the past five years and hope you've remembered to celebrate that. Having completed manuscripts is an amazing accomplishment! I'll look forward to reading more about this stage of your journey as a writer.
Writing is such hard work! Sometimes you just have to step back and rethink things. I've been there many times and continue to question my worth as a writer for children. Today a read a post from one of my favorite children's authors Melissa Stewart. It took her four years, over 50 drafts, and at least six rejections before she got her most recent book right. It gave me hope.
I published my comment on the SOL page. I'm the one with the Developmental English/Writing textbook that's now on SSDI.
A break can't hurt! You'll go back with fresh eyes.
I give you a lot of credit for knowing you need a break. It sounds as if you have worked very hard at writing those children's books for a very long time. However, I am glad you'll keep slicing. I now have to admit that I see a little of myself in your post. I have always wanted to publish a book....for a while I focused on children's books, then I started a middle grade historical fiction novel, and more recently found great satisfcation in wriitng curriculum. I found I was good at that and wrote most of my own lessons (content included) for my garden club students. That has ended now and I am really enjoying the slicing - so much I blog everyday. So, now, as you must take a break I am considering trying again (although I never put as much time or effort into it as you have) and to be successful I will have to devote more time and still realize publication might never be a reality for me either. Thanks for allowing me to reflect through your own reflection.
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